Screaming by David Hagar

Screaming

The anger never leaves.
It burns like blood red fire,
the stuff of old tales of hateful gods.
Burning through existence,
terrifying and comforting.

Don’t want to be angry.
Charred holes in my life,
burning still,
smoldering,
smoking,
fire constantly consuming.

The pain intensifies.
Stoking the anger,
like the fuel of despair,
enduring,
napalm on my soul,
never stopping,
always burning,
always hurting,
never closes,
never dies,
always seeping,
bleeding,
the blood pools in my heart,
weighs it down,
can’t breath,
ready to burst,
explode,
like a bomb in my chest.

Don’t want this.
Looking at the world with dead eyes,
fake smiles,
forcing laughter,
day to day motions,
meaningless,
unbearable,
dark nights alone,
cold morning light,
no warmth,
no passion,
no hear,
no hope,
no end,
cannot stop,
mind racing,
all encompassing,
rage filled soul,
pain filled heart,
can’t you hear me screaming?

Smiling dully trying to live.
Dead inside,
heart stops,
frozen by despair,
broken,
shattered,
pieces missing,
gave my heart to you!

How could you give it back?
Collapses under the weight,
not strong enough,
not good enough,
failure,
utter and complete,
never try again,
can’t be alone,
no plan,
no solution,
cannot figure it out,
cannot move forward,
a wall stands in my way,
beating it,
my hands hurt,
clawing at it,
my fingers bleed,
let me out,
you moved on,
let me out,
how could you,
you moved on,
left me living in your past.

How could you leave me,
dying on the floor,
soul burning,
heart torn and bleeding.

Have to catch my breath,
need to breath,
need to move,
need to hope,
need to live,
don’t know how.

I’m tired.

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