So I have read about the origins of the “traps are gay” and “traps are not gay” and similar memes that I’ve been seeing a lot about. I’ve asked about it before with people on how they mean it, and have gotten the most common answer to be - it is a meme - which I find analogous to “it’s a joke”. Being a joke, or a meme, does not make anything less questionable for content. I get the amusement that the meme was used to ask alt-right people about what is more gay, and to some extent that is amusing. Still, it has long since gotten old.
We ask that all users refrain from the joking discussions on if looking at crossdressing or androgynous males in female clothing or looking to be behaving / acting female is gay. This also applies to the fetish imagery of Futanari. Joking about how someone likes some image and it makes them gay (or asking the leading question of if it makes a person gay to like said imagery) is not something I’d like to see any more of. Intent is important here, the Staff has no intention to squash freedom of speech and expression, but at the same time strives to protect the integrity of having an open, honest, and supportive community. Thus, we furthermore will interpret the memes of calling people, things, and actions as gay, specifically relating to the above referenced images as in the same category as kink-shaming. Shaming someone for their kinks is a violation of the rules on respecting others and our stated goals of what kind of community we’d like to promote.
In short, the trap / gay meme has gotten old, and I’d like people to cut it out.
This does not include actual, responsible, and adult discussions of what it means to be transgendered, homosexual, or where the lines blur (bisexual, pansexual, or any of the other terms of sexuality that are out there). Along the same vein, discussions of what it means to be a gender, or have a specific gender identity or what it means to have questions about such things. Again, intent is everything.
Why Would Trap be Offensive?
Now, to explain why I have an issue with it ( from the Urban Dictionary):
Here, right here, in a nutshell. The reason that a transgendered person is, at times, called a trap is because of the predominantly male belief that transgendered people (male to female) are out to trap them into some sort of homosexual encounter. This has been used to state that transgendered people should not be allowed to use the bathroom of their preferred gender as they will trap young girls and rape them in South Carolina. In other areas the idea that the hot woman being looked at is a guy with nefarious intent to trick straight men into being gay has been used to block transgendered people from entering bars, renting apartments, getting jobs, and as an excuse to inflict physical and violent harm on people.
How Does this Relate to the Memes?
The reason the meme is supposed to be funny goes back to the above preconception, that transgendered people (male to female) are out to trick men into homosexual encounters, is why an alt-right affiliated male would have trouble answering the question. So the meme, in its own way, is relying on a perpetuating the stereotype that is definitely harmful to the perception of biologically male people who identify as female. Now, I’m old, I was raised with very definite and rigid definitions for what it is to be male and what it is to be female. These are things that have caused me significant problems in some areas on a personal level, but I digress. I understand why some people are made uncomfortable that gender and perceived gender is not something that a person can count on anymore. It isn’t about someone trying to trick someone else maliciously, it is about ones own uncomfortable feelings about homosexual activity and the association with the self.
This pushes the responsibility for ones own uncomfortable feelings onto the transgendered person.
Gay / Not Gay
Beyond the ideas mentioned above, there is a continued practice of calling things gay as some kind of negative and derogatory name to induce shame. It is not unique to this server, any age group, or maturity level. This is similar to how, where I am from in rural California, people often call things jewish or just jew as an insult. Now, I bring up the calling something jewish because it brings a clearer example of why this is not a good thing.
It is hard to argue that if something is bad, and it gets called jewish, that the statement is racist at the very last and that it is not a good thing. It is in the same vein that it is objectionable to call things that are bad gay. The association is that being gay is thus bad. I do not believe any particular person means to say being gay is bad by these statements, but that is what it does say. Even if that isn’t the intended communication, it is the subtext of said communication. Subtext isn’t always, in fact often is not, intended when the speaker isn’t aware of it. Many modern turns of phrase have a strongly negative connotation to some group or another. As such, it is important to be aware of what your words are saying, even if you don’t want them to say it.
In reality, as most people know if they think about it, discovering that one identifies as a gender other than their birth gender is difficult. No one needs to make it harder on anyone to work through such things. The reality of life is that the continued use of certain memes and jokes create an atmosphere, even if that atmosphere is unintended. What someone might find funny today might disturb them tomorrow based on how their life changes over time. Someone can not think about their gender identity today but start to have questions about it next week, or a year from now. By the time that questions come up, the memes and jokes have already been said and have created a narrative of disrespect and assumptions that thus create a negative environment for someone as their context and perception changes.
As is stated above. This is not meant to squash actual discussions of what it means to be gendered, have a gender or sexual identity. In fact, it is meant to make such discussions easier and this community to be more friendly toward people going through such things.