Love but not In Love

I’ve hard those words before on movies and it always makes sense there, in the movie. That someone can love someone but not be in love with them. Then there are all these jokes everywhere, about being in like with someone.

So Jen and I had a fight, talk, something. I don’t know what it was. She’s thinking about moving out and living separately. It started over laundry, which I suppose it would inevitably have started over something. She calls it more of my bullshit, which I suppose it is, I really just don’t know anymore. I’m so tired of fighting for this, so tired of not getting anywhere.

So, she told me that she loves me, really loves me, but that she isn’t in love with me. It makes sense in movies, but now I don’t know what to make of it. She’s thinking that us living together is doing more harm than good, to me. She’s probably right. It is probably doing more harm than good, I just don’t know how to willfully say that it should end, when I desperately don’t want it to. She says I need to trust that I will always be a huge part of her life, but I don’t. I don’t trust that. I don’t know how I can trust that. My mind keeps telling me that what will happen is she’s going to move out on her own and that’ll be that. I’ll be nothing to her. Less than nothing. She will forget about me.

I want to crawl under a rock. I just don’t know how to cope with this.

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