Bedlam or Banality: A Self Analysis

I know this isn’t a story but i don’t know where to put it

In the RP Changeling the Dreaming the ultimate fate of the changelings is either bedlam or banality. This has been a reflection of my own life and in an odd set of circumstances this was the first RP I ever played. Bedlam is essentially forgetting the human world in favor of the fantasy of the Dreaming and Banality is the rejection of the dream in favor of the safety of human habits. The point of these being that in order to play correctly one must balance fantasy with practicality.

So how does this apply to me? Well i have always shut people out in favor of my own world, its a grave flaw i have. I don’t care to explain how i got like that and it doesn’t matter now what matters is how i can re-balance my life. There has been a problem that has taken its time in emerging, mainly that i am getting worse at what i loved to do. Not only that but i am finding the things that used to be fun for me are now boring. I am slowly succumbing to banality.

It’s funny for a person in their twenties to say that they are half the man they used to be but in this circumstance its true. Recently i have drawn the avatars for two of my characters and they where of sub-par quality when compared to what i drew when i was still a child. Clearly i need to rethink what i am doing, however the answer had always eluded me. It was not until i played Changeling that things started to make sense.

Essentially the problem was that i had ignored reality that by the time real life really butted in my world (when i started working) i had to stop dreaming and start “acting my age”. This created a divide in me. There is a fake me someone who is respectful, smiling and positive. On the other side was the real me melancholic, aloof and insecure. I had become like a changeling splitting myself into two separate people with separate lives. My two sides have become irreconcilable and this had started to affect me in my life.

So how do i fix it? i don’t know to be honest but i know what i can strive for, balance.

1 Like

I moved your post to #lounge. Don’t worry about where you put it, it’s fine that you put it there. It is easy to move.

What you’re describing is cognitive dissonance. You have two opposing points of view that your mind cannot reconcile at the same time, so it is giving you emotional stress. As far as a solution goes, you need to work out when you can allow the dreamer to come out and when you have to be more concrete. It isn’t as opposing as you feel like it is though. You need to find a balance between the two, but it isn’t as cut and dry as that, you can use your dreaming qualities in concrete and responsible situations, like work. You are obviously creative, so look for places at work to use your creativity. Sometimes, for me I have use the dreamer side to imagine what work would be like if arranged differently. Sometimes, if I have coworkers that I can let my freak flag fly with a bit more, I use it to bond with them.

In the end, It isn’t about leaving one behind for the sake of the other. It is about learning how to be a dreamer and be responsible at the same time. Some people compartmentalize this, a work-persona, a home-persona, a friend-persona, and many more. I’m not a fan of this, it isn’t how my mind works (might be how your mind works). Others, like myself, have to balance things out and find time to be a dreamer, or hold onto the dreamer quality. I think perhaps you could use to look at the real world through a dreamers eyes though, rather than your own world. You may find that when you see the real world as not so banal, then you can get a bit more bedlam and see more beauty.

An addendum of sorts. The fae have different kiths or subspecies. They are the Boggons, Eshu, Nockers, Redcap’s, Pooka, Satyrs, Sidhe, Slauge, and Trolls. Out of all of those the one that resonated with me was the Slauge, a bunch of goths essentially. However I ended up playing as a nocker.

Nockers are described as “dreams of creation and frustration. Master artisans and antisocial mamzers, they are passionately dedicated to their craft and vocally… dismissive of anything not meeting their impossibly high standards. Despite their dour natures and sharp tongues, they do have romantic souls–which, unfortunately, they can only express through their (always flawed) creations.”

That is a pretty accurate representation of who I am and how I feel about my own creative endeavors. Again all this happened by accident. So when I mentioned in the discord server that my changeling is the closest in terms of personality to me, I was not lying.